The ‘C’ word

 

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I don’t think there are enough words to figure out how cancer works. If there were, we could figure out a cure.

My #crazywife seems to think its all  normal.  I’m Arab – nothing is ever normal.

I’m a dad. I look at life a bit differently for priorities.  I look at life as ‘God willing’.

When my wife was diagnosed with cervical cancer 6 months ago – I didn’t know.  She spared me.  She felt that she would do this on her own without involving me. She thought she would do this on her own (now you know why she is my #CRAZYWIFE ).

She went to doctor appointments and event her first surgery without me.  Her reason was that she didn’t want to disrupt what I was doing for work – she didn’t want me to put off what was happening with ArabBaba and making sure the girls were ok.

Women out there – we actually do need to know. We need that bit of understanding that helps us to plan. Men are planners by nature – not your kind of planning but we plan.

I went 4 months without her telling me – she called me to pick her up from a surgery (which I thought was a normal day). And we fought and we forgave and we became.

My wife had stage 2A Cervical Cancer.  She kept from me because she didn’t want me in pain and hurting with her.  But I have a great comment for all you moms out there – we don’t care that you can’t have kids anymore, we don’t care that you need to be strong on your own, we are are here with you.

My wife went through her second surgery this week – a full hysterectomy.  She felt like she was losing her woman side – I felt like I was keeping my wife, my love, my everything.

I watched her in pain, I listened to her tell me where the ‘box’ was with all of the financial stuff, I listened to her tell me to call her mom and dad and make sure the girls understood what was going on.  I was with her in the surgery pre-op where she was crying and saying sorry and that I had to understand where everything was (very practical).  That I was suppose to call certain people if things went wrong. And, most of all, that she loved me like no other person.

See, thats a lot of pain.  Thats a lot of stuff that people shouldn’t have to go through.  Those moments, those small moments where it is just you and that person, they are not forgiven or forgotten.

She woke up and all she wanted was me.  She wanted me.  She asked for me.  I held back seeing her face.  Seeing her in pain was something I never want to see again.  If I could take it on myself, I would.  If I could have taken everything from her at that moment and let her live, I would do that.

Maybe I am being romantic – maybe I am being sentimental.

I slept with her in the room that night and listened to her in pain. I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t fix this.  I couldn’t ask anyone to stop this nightmare which I knew she was experiencing. But I was there.  And every moment I walked into he room for 4 days it was like she had never seen me before (drugs help I guess!). She would hold my hand and ask questions and not know where she was.

I just sat there thinking how beautiful she was and how my life would be little without her.

I thought about my girls and while they ran rampant in her room every day and as she was in pain she was happy. She was loving seeing them jump and play with the oxygen masks and make the nurses crazy.

This is life. This is what family is.  This is what makes life.

We have bumps in a road – big ones and small ones – but they are bumps – and we go over them.

I would like to say thanks to @AHDubai – American Hospital in Dubai for being so amazing and accommodating.

Take time – check yourself – be a part of your wife or husband’s world.   Don’t leave it alone.  We learned something from this partnership – that it is, just that.

 

 

 

 

One thought on “The ‘C’ word

  1. Elisabeth Punky Coates Edwards

    Britt you are one strong lady. I can’t begine to think of the pain you have gone threw. Just want you to know that God will take care of you. Know that that sweet warm wonderful and one of a kind man of yours is sent from God to take care of you. We love you britt. On bad days think of the mountains, how hi they are, the smell of the pine trees after a rain storm, and the wonderfull sound of the birds chirping, but most of all, think about all the friends and famiy that’s praying for your peace and comfort, and complete recovery. Love you cuz, now and forever.

    Like

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