We Are Just Grown Up Kids

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I am 26.  Ok, well add a decade onto that I keep telling my crazy wife and everyone I meet that I am 26. I wonder if it’s because I want to stay young, look young or just be young.  But its also because I want to keep the present as it is – the same.  and I know it’s not possible.

I watch my daughter growing so fast. She is 7 and I never thought I would understand how children work or live or laugh.  I never thought I would see this point, although I expected because thats what Arabs do, we have kids. We are good at it.  We are great at making kids. But we still want to be kids as well. Being parents, no matter the nationality, we are all still working at it.

I see Saffiya and Kinzy and I keep remembering them as babies. Maybe we shouldn’t and maybe its our own crazy thinking that we can keep them as babies forever.  At the same time I keep thinking that we are getting old.

img-20161009-wa0009So again,  I wonder if it’s because I want to stay young, look young or just be young.  But its also because I want to keep the present as it is – the same.  and I know it’s not possible (seems I want to keep repeating this).

Our kids are at an age where the oldest thinks that we love the little one more.  She thinks that the ‘baby’ is where our love is.

At the same time they play with each other and only want to be with one another. If Saffiya comes home she only wants to be around her little sister.

I remember how I was with my sisters and brother.  But I don’t think I had the bond that I see with my girls together.  I don’t remember feeling jealous of my little sister. I guess thats how kids are.

My crazy wife is dreading her being a teenager and to be honest, so am I.  She is tough.  She is a copy of my wife.  My crazy wife, however, has a very distinct way of dealing with her girls.  She has ‘the look’ and ‘the voice’.  If their moms voice goes low and very clear and firm, the girls look at her like the earth is going to shatter at that moment.  If she looks at them with ‘the look’, it is like ice has frozen over this sand box. Wow do they get things done at that point! I am trying to figure out how to get ‘the look’! You mums have this down I think.

My 7 year old is the complete opposite of me. She is demanding, driven, full of attitude and very clever! I keep trying to figure out a way to reconnect with her sometimes.  Finding a way where she doesn’t think I’m the bad guy. Finding a way to better understand her little notes that she is mad at me.  Figuring out how I get a way around her attitude and be more of us (please tell me being a teenager can be better – please just give me some popcorn trail to guide me!).

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I decided to have more fun with her. Playing fun.

I always take them places and joke and jump around.  In summer time there is little else to do except escape the sun burn from running to the car from the shop or playing board games which I think we have done every game under the moon this summer.

Our kids – I feel like we want to just eat them up (of course normally that happens when they are the sleeping angels at 10pm at night).

So, my mission was to try to find more time just for her and more in touch with her than just ‘things’ or ‘activities’. But just being us, together – smiling and having fun and learning together

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We started the ‘tickle monster’ again like we did when she was tiny.  She is so much bigger but hey, the ‘tickle monster’ is strong!

We started reading more and more and not just for homework or for bed time reading.

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We started sitting in the garden last week and having breakfast together.

I’m learning more and more about what it takes to be a dad.  It isn’t about her being 7 or me being 26 (please don’t add that other 10 years and lets pretend).

This is about me being a kid again with her.  This is about me finding ways to reconnect to this tough little copy of my crazy wife.

I’m trying to find my way as a Baba.  I’m trying to find my way through the fun and chaos and still be the best Baba I can be.

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